My Three Daddies
by Staci Came
GET AWAY, BEAR!” I yell as loudly as I can. I wave my arms, I stamp my feet, I stand up as tall as I can (all 5”2 of me), I stare him down. ‘Don’t push me,’ I mentally plead. ‘Don’t try to eat me. Just accept that I’m loud and scary and I’ll fight you off, and go and find a fish or something else to eat.’ All my play-acting fails. The bear starts plodding towards me, his eyes fixed firmly on my face. I try even harder to scare him off. I jump up and down, screaming as loud as I can. “FUCK OFF, BEAR!”
All of a sudden, the bear stands up, towering over me. It bends down, puts its face in my face, and bellows in perfect English, “MAKE ME, HUMAN!” I stumble backwards until I hit the tree, completely shocked.