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I heard her
as soon as I entered the building.
classic, sonny boy, and you don’t fuck with the classics. Do you hear me? Or has that combover blocked
help but grin. The voice belonged to Sybil Calley, my formidable, charismatic
grandmother. Seventy-something-years old, she was a force to be reckoned with
and very rarely backed down in an argument. Any poor soul who took her on was
in for a fierce fight, and by the sounds of it, Tito was about to feel the full
force of hurricane Sybil.
blasphemy! That’s what it is. Blasphemy! Why, I bet Deborah Kerr is rolling in
her grave, God rest her beautiful soul. How dare you stain such a beautiful
story with your weirdness, you rude little boy!”
rounded the corner, Sybil and Tito came into view. Tito was standing with his
back to the wall with his arms in the air, while my formidable grandmother
yelled at him. He looked terrified.
Calley,” I interrupted, trying to contain my grin. Seeing me walk in, Tito
looked relieved and relaxed his arms.
wasted no time in getting straight to the point. She held up a DVD so I could
see the cover. “Did you know about this?”
I took it
from her and couldn’t help but grin at the cover. Pure spank bank bullshit that sells. But definitely not what you
wanted your grandmother looking at in front of you.
Earth did you even know about it?” I asked.
“I might be
edging close to buying the farm, Cade, but I’m not quite dead yet. You know I
like to keep my finger on the pulse. It’s Tuesday, and I know you drop into
this pit of despair on Tuesdays, so I came down to speak with you.” She gave Tito
a withering look. “Ran into this little twerp and found this . . .”
the DVD out of my hands and held it up. The cover was a rip-off of An Affair To Remember, except it was
titled, An Anus to Remember. Gay
porn. It was a bestseller.
disgrace, Cade. An absolute disgrace.” She pushed the DVD into Tito’s chest.
“You should be ashamed of yourself.”
nothing wrong with a bit of man-on-man love, Grandma,” I said, trying to
diffuse the situation. Sybil could be unpredictable at times.
that! Man on man. Woman on woman. I don’t give a goddamn! What I do care about
is taking a classic and turning it into smut. Now that is not right, Cade. Not
right. You don’t fuck with the classics.”
can’t keep happening,” Tito moaned.
turned back to Tito. “I’m seventy-three years old but I ain’t dead yet, sonny.
I’m the original biker queen and I’m still packing as much attitude as I did
back when my old man started the Kings of Mayhem more than fifty years ago. If
you ever mess with one of the classics again and put your perverted stamp all
over it, I will knock you on your ass, do you hear me?”
struggled to contain my grin.
however, looked unraveled. And he had every cause to be because I had no doubt
Sybil meant what she said. She was a classy lady who never left the house
without taming her bright red hair and putting on a thick coat of red lipstick.
But she was a biker queen first. Tough. Fierce. With a mean right hook.
fuck with Sybil Calley.
on Tito, I slunk an arm around Grandma’s shoulders and guided her toward the
Grandma, you can’t come in here and get up in Tito’s grill about things. Head
Quarters is off limits to MC women, remember?”
had come about after Sybil had swept through Head Quarters like a hurricane and
upset an entire cast of actresses on the set of a movie we were making called Some Like It Hard. Sybil was a die-hard
Marilyn fan and managed to put the fear in all the actresses who were on set,
leading to a mass walk-out and halting production for three days.
Sybil paid any attention to rules. She was the original rule breaker. She did
what she wanted, when she wanted. And if it suited her, she’d blame her forgetfulness on her age to get away
with it, despite being sharp as a tack.
off the mention of the rules.
little pervert can’t handle a seventy-year-old woman, then he needs to take a
cup of cement and harden the fuck up.” She glanced over her shoulder and narrowed
her eyes at Tito as we were walking away, and muttered, “little pussy.”
I tried not
to laugh because that would only encourage her, so I asked, “Grandma, why are
and smiled. “Now, Cade, you know you’re my favorite grandson—”
that to all your grandsons . . .”
“. . . and
I love you. So I wanted to see how you were feeling about Indy coming home.”
her home anymore, Grandma. She lives in Seattle now.”
Captain Obvious. But you know what I mean.” Her face softened as she took my
hand. “I know the affect that girl has on you. I just wanted to make sure…”
me hard on the arm. “That you’re not going to be an ass about it.”
help but grin. Good on Grandma Sybil.
“A lot of
water has passed under the bridge, Grandma. I’m not an eighteen-year-old
didn’t look convinced. “You’re a Calley and we’re passionate sonsofbitches.
When we love, we love big, and if that love dies, then we die a big death along
side it. I should know. When your Pappy died, my heart went with him.”
help but smile at my feisty grandmother.
Jury wouldn’t like to hear you say that,” I said.
Jury was my
grandma’s sixty-year-old boyfriend.
the love of my life. Your grandpappy was. Jury knows I’m just after his body.”
I raised an
eyebrow at her. “Grandma, there are certain things a grandson should never hear
his grandmother say, and that’s right up there with them.”
me off. “The body may be old and the reflection in the mirror might be slightly
different, but the mind is still twenty years old. I might not be able to do it
the way I used to but—”
I stuck my
fingers in my ears. “Lalalalalalalalala . . .”
her eyes. “Fine. I’ll let you think that I don’t do the things I still did when
I was twenty.”
Grandma . . .” I begged, pained by the mental images.
dramatically, she changed the subject. “Your mom is making dinner for Lady and
Indy. Somehow I was extended an invitation. I assume you’ll be there.”
Sybil and my mom didn’t exactly get along would be an understatement. The civil
unrest had ended years ago, but in its wake was a frosty cold war of mammoth
proportions. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law didn’t exactly see eye to eye.
“I’m heading over there now.”
follow you. Lord knows I’ve had my fair share of pussy and cock today.”
the front door for her and shook my head. “Jesus Christ, Sybil. My ears are
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