COMPLICATED LOVE by Kristin Mayer is releasing September 9th!
Add it to your TBR today: http://bit.ly/ComplicatedLoveTBR
Kaysen and are happy with our no-strings-attached relationship even though he‘s my boss.
Or so I thought.
Now he wants more.
I’m not capable of giving more of myself, but I’m afraid to lose him.
He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of but wouldn’t allow myself to have.
I don’t deserve him.
Kaysen doesn’t agree.
If I’m honest, we’re perfect for each other in every way.
And that complicates everything.
It was me against the world. But sometimes I wondered what it would be like to have someone on my side while I faced the world. Sometimes I wanted that someone who loved me unconditionally.
But that wasn’t reality.
Fairy tales weren’t real.
I closed the car door and grabbed my bag before heading to the elevator. The ride up to my apartment was quiet, and I was thankful no one was in the elevator with me.
Maybe I should call in sick tomorrow, I thought as I closed my apartment door behind me. Before I saw Kaysen, I needed to make sure my mind was in the right spot. It was hard fucking your boss and being best friends at the same time. There were times the lines blurred and I wanted more. But more wasn’t an option. And lately, it felt like things were shifting between us, which had me all kinds of messed up and confused about what it meant. I put my keys on the table and dropped my suitcase by the wall. I’ll unpack later.
“Where have you been?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin at the deep timbre of his voice. “Geez, you scared the shit out of me, Kaysen.”
The light flipped on, and there was Kaysen, sitting in his favorite chair and staring at me. He set his glass of bourbon on the table. He sighed. Is that worry? Why is he worried?
I deflected, sounding defensive. “What are you doing here?”
“Wondering where you were.”
Again, I deflected. “I thought you were going to California for the IT show.”
“Change of plans.”
Shit. I typically scheduled my weekends in Connecticut for when he was out of town and then figured out a way to work from home for a day or two afterward. Kaysen never pushed or pried. Why is he acting out of character? If I were being honest, Kaysen had been a little more caring over the last couple of months, and I felt unbalanced by it.
Feeling vulnerable didn’t sit well with me. I hated feeling fragile. I loathed it. That was why I always carefully planned my visits. Having space made it easier in case I found myself weak and slipped about my daughter. I was afraid of what Kaysen would think of me. My own family had abandoned me, why wouldn’t he?
Kaysen stood, and I could have sworn he saw through me. He took a few steps toward me. “Where have you been?”
For a second, I wanted to tell him. I wanted Kaysen to tell me it was going to be okay. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to tell me I’d made the right decision all those years ago. I wanted someone else to know about this amazing miracle I had brought into this world on my own. But I shoved it away and buried it.
I’m stronger than this. I cannot lose Kaysen. Having him in a limited way is better than having nothing at all.
The chaotic feelings swirled within me. It was a tug-of-war that had me wanting to give myself to him and ask him for more, yet push him away because I was afraid of getting hurt. There were only so many times a heart could break before it became irreparable.
He pushed more. “Where were you, Wynter?”
I flicked my wrist, assuming a nonchalance I didn’t feel. “I was just around. Did you miss me?”
“Wynter, you skipped town three days ago without a word.”
I took a deep breath, stalling for a second. “I answered your texts.”
Kaysen stared at me. “And rejected my calls. I know you, Wynter, and I know there’s something going on. Are you okay?”
Why isn’t he letting this go? Why is he so concerned?
No questions. That was the unspoken agreement between us. I shifted and shrugged. “I needed to handle some stuff. You know—a little me time. A spa, some time to read.”
Lies. All lies, and I hated myself even more for it.